


Never Piss Off a Goddess of Love

by Neyiea



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Cliche, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neyiea/pseuds/Neyiea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pitch really should have known better than to piss off the Goddess of Love; now he's got a bunch of infatuated Guardians after him, no idea how to break the spell and nowhere to hide. What's a Nightmare King to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Piss Off a Goddess of Love

Aphrodite hates Valentine's Day.

She is the true Goddess of Love, she can bring people together with a snap of her fingers and drive them apart with less. Not to mention that she was the one who won the Golden Apple from Paris of Troy, for heaven's sake! Surely that still counts for something? Yet on this very day dedicated to her celebrating her element she is forgotten.

Cupid has taken over, throwing images of arrows and cherubs around like it's going out of style and she can't stand it.

She's irritated, exasperated and maybe the slightest bit afraid that one day she'll be completely forgotten. So of course the King of Nightmares decides to show up and bother her.

Pitch, in his badly concealed glee at finding fear in a Goddess, says something you should never say to the patron of Love and Beauty.

"Goodness my dear, you look tired today. Is that a grey hair?"

She pulls back her fist and socks him in the jaw before disappearing.

x-x-x

Pitch rubs at his face, making a quick note to himself that Aphrodite could pack quite a punch, and when he pulls his hand away he finds it glimmering a soft pink before the magic fully absorbs into his skin.

Damn, maybe he should have kept his comments to himself. He's probably going to fall in love with the first living thing he sees now.

He clamps his eyes shut and lets out a shrill whistle. In just a few moments one of his Nightmares is beside him and he climbs atop her smoothly, so used to the action that his lack of sight does nothing to hinder him. He twists his fingers in her mane and leans forward.

"Take me home," he commands, gripping tighter as she darts forth.

He's going to have to lock himself up in his library and go through spell books for hours so that he doesn't end up embarrassing himself, what a waste of a day. Valentine's Day is full of fear. Fear of rejection, of disinterest, of unwanted advances, of being alone. It's enough to make one's head spin.

This is what he gets for hitting people where it hurts. Maybe he'll find a way to break the enchantment before night falls and he'll still have time to lurk around the people getting ready to propose and fearing a negative answer.

A blast of icy wind interrupts his thought process and he inwardly cringes.

Please let that have been just the wind.

"Pitch!" A familiar voice calls out and he shuts his eyes tighter, there is no way he's letting himself fall for Jack Frost.

"Pitch, what are you... Doing... Here?" Jack's voice takes on an odd cadence, breathy and low.

"I don't have time to play games with you Jack, I- ah!" He recoils when he feels cold breath directly against his neck.

"Why not, we could have so much fun together." While Jack's tone isn't exactly ringing with adult promises, it doesn't sound like he's suggesting a snowball fight.

Oh no, no no no, Aphrodite didn't make it so that he would become infatuated with the first person he saw, but so the first person to see him would fall in love.

His day has just become so much more complicated. Why did it have to be Jack Frost of all spirits? This is going to be the worst day ever, the fairy and rabbit will be out for his blood when they find out about this. Come to think of it, North and Sandy will be too, probably thinking he'd done it on purpose to corrupt their youngest member.

Pitch warily cracks an eye open and frowns at the utterly lovestruck look Jack's sending his way. If he attempts to leave the boy behind he'll only end up being chased and possibly captured, so there's really only one thing for him to do. North has a wider array of spell books and a vast knowledge of magic, he just needs to drop Jack off at the Pole and this whole mess will be solved in ten minutes, tops.

He sighs.

"Jack, I'm going up to North's workshop, would you like to accompany me?"

"Of course," Jack sighs dreamily, "I would follow you to the ends of the Earth."

Blind devotion, how oddly disturbing.

They make their way north, Pitch valiantly ignoring the sweet looks and soft touches Jack keeps bestowing upon him. He's never been so happy to see Santoff Claussen in his entire existence.

One problem though. It may have just been a trick of the light, but he'd rather not take that chance.

"Jack, is Toothiana supposed to be up here today?"

"Yeah, I asked everyone if we could exchange valentines this year."

Dear lord, no. This would have been hard enough with just North to explain things to, and now he was going to have to deal with the whole set? Aphrodite was a vengeful Goddess indeed.

"I don't think I made one for you." Jack purses his lips together in a sorrowful frown.

"That's quite alright." Now, how could he go about this without getting beaten into a pulp?

"No, I have to have one for you!" Jack pulls a collection of cards out of his hoodie pocket and hands him the one from the top. "You can have this one," he informs Pitch shyly.

It's addressed to Bunnymund.

He briefly thinks of accepting it, just to rub it in Bunny's face at a later date, but he'd really rather not get pelted with eggs.

"Thank you Jack. Why don't you hold onto it until we start exchanging valentines with everyone?"

"Oh, good idea." He puts the cards away and wraps his arms around Pitch's neck. "You always have the best ideas."

How wrong could one statement possibly be?

He leaves his Nightmare outside and sneaks in through a window, Jack still hanging from his neck like a swooning damsel. Thankfully it appears that only North and Tooth are around. He may be able to handle this after all.

He clears his throat and the Guardians of Wonder and Memories whirl around to face him.

"I would like to start off by saying that this was in no way my fault."

Neither of them move forward to attack him, they just stare at him in a distinctly unnerving fashion.

"I'm just dropping the boy off, you're going to need to pull out all of your spell books," Tooth begins to slowly flutter forward and Pitch cautiously takes a step behind Jack, who's only too happy to be used as a shield, "Jack's the unfortunate victim of-" He is cut off then Tooth darts forward, pushes Jack aside and pries open his mouth.

What. The. Hell. Had she gone mad?

"Don't touch him Tooth, I saw him first," Jack whines and Pitch worries that he may be in over his head.

He glances past Tooth, hopefully North can put a stop to this farce, but the wizard has miraculously disappeared. A feeling a dread curls in his stomach, even before a pair of large arms envelope him from behind.

The spell didn't just affect the first person to see him. He needs to get out of here, fast, while he still can.

It takes some creative manoeuvring but he's able to slip out of North's arms and dodge Tooth and Jack's hands. The window where his Nightmare is waiting is blocked by the three of them and there aren't any shadows nearby that are dark enough for him to leap into, so he has no choice but to run.

"Wait, come back! I just want to look at your teeth, and maybe bite you a little!"

He runs faster.

He finally spots a deep enough shadow to disappear through, so he takes a sharp turn towards it just as he catches a blur of grey in his peripheral vision. 

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways-"

"Please don't!" He shouts over his shoulder as he sinks into sweet, solitary darkness. As soon as he is safe in his lair he leans against a pillar and sighs.

He is going to destroy Aphrodite for putting him through this. He's not sure how, but he's resourceful, he'll find a way. Speaking of resources, he'd better start going through his library now, he has a lot of reading to do.

He makes his way forward and pauses when he hears a distant rumble. He presses a hand against a wall and immediately pulls away when he feels vibrations. The Pooka is digging a tunnel right towards him, not even his lair is safe anymore. He once again breaks into a run, turning on his heel when a portal appears in front of him and North steps out.

"Pitch, come back! I only want to cuddle!"

"No!"

He runs past his now cracking wall and leaps into the nearest shadow that he can travel through. He steps out unto his library, far enough away from the others that he should have at least some time before anyone finds him, although once Bunny breaks through he'll probably be quick to sniff him out.

He quickly grabs several books that might be able to help him, if not he'll have to sneak into North's library, and prepares to make a quick getaway.

A cold hand grips his shoulder before he can leave.

"You don't have to run anymore Pitch, we can fight them off together. What goes better together than cold and dark, right?

Pitch has so many regrets right now that he can't even bring himself to speak.

Tooth zooms into the library and frowns when she spots them together. "The adults require some time alone, Jack," she cries as she dive bombs the winter spirit.

"I'm an adult!"

"You're only three hundred years old, you're practically an infant! There's no way you can give Pitch what he needs!"

"And you think you can?"

Pitch carefully slips away while they're still fighting.

He flees for hours, cracking open his books whenever he gets a chance, although he can never stay in one place for long. Love spells are tricky things, trickier still when the actual Goddess of Love casts them. He is currently hiding under the shade of palm trees, rapidly skimming pages of interest, "love spells, binding spells, soul bonds, true love's first kiss, ah ha! Breaking love enchantments!"

Unfortunately at that moment another portal opens up. 

Damn North and his portals, and Bunny's tunnels, and Tooth's fairies and Jack's kinship with the thrice damned wind! He jumps into one shadow and out of another and someone is already waiting for him. It's like a chase scene from an old comedy sketch. They're like hounds on a fox hunt, relentless and wild, and eventually they corner him in a shadowless area.

His eyes search desperately for a means of escape as Bunny hops in close and grips at his chin, leaning in to-

Bunny is pulled back with a startled scream, then North is hefted into the air and thrown aside. Tooth and Jack, being airborne, are harder to catch, but eventually golden whips wrap around them and they are tossed into the growing pile of Guardians.

Sandy makes a show of dusting himself off as he wraps the four of them together and though they struggle and squirm they cannot free themselves of the sand that binds them. He then yells at them with very large, bold images before he finally turns to Pitch, eyes going heavy and dark.

Oh dear.

Pitch holds his books in front of himself and steps back until he's pressing against a wall and can go no further. Sandy approaches him in a slow, predatory fashion that makes his mouth go dry, his face heat up and his heart thrum faster than it had been while he was running. Sandy pushes the books aside with ease and Pitch let's them drop to the ground, staring at the Guardian of Dreams with wide eyes as he tosses a triumphant look over his shoulder before pulling Pitch down for a kiss.

Pitch freezes at first, then melts into the contact. It's going to happen one way or another, he may as well let himself enjoy it.

Sandy pulls away and blinks rapidly before looking him over with curious, hungry eyes. He leans back in.

Someone coughs loudly and Sandy turns and raises an eyebrow at his captured teammates who all appear to be at various stages of uncomfortable. Jack is burying his face in Tooth's neck while she stares blankly ahead, Bunny looks utterly horrified and North's cheeks are nearly as red as his coat.

"Sandy," North begins awkwardly, "spell seems to be broken now, would you mind terribly if you let us go before you continue?"

Sandy casually waves a hand and the ropes that had been holding them together dispersed. They all quickly left without a backwards glance.

Pitch stands still and watches, feeling half mortified and half relieved, and then Sandy turns back to him.

"Well, aren't you going to leave too?"

Sandy cocks one eyebrow and gestures between them.

"But the spell is broken, why are you- oh." Pitch's knees feel weak and Sandy shoots him a knowing look. "Oh." He looks down at his feet, spying the books from the corner of his eye, when an old saying comes back to him.

True love's kiss can break any spell.

"Oh my." He slides down the wall until he is sitting on the ground. Sandy settles down beside him and pats his hand in a comforting fashion.

"So, what are we going to do about this?"

Sandy pretends to think really hard for a moment before snapping his fingers in a eureka moment. Then he suggests they kiss some more.

Pitch huffs. "You're not taking this seriously at all."

Sandy stares at him, completely expressionless and incredibly unnerving.

"Okay, fine! But we're having a very long conversation afterwards," Pitch concedes. He crosses his arms a little too dramatically before leaning down to touch their lips together and Sandy wraps his arms around his neck to bring him down closer.

If he happens to smile into the kiss, well, that'll be their little secret.

And if Sandy happens to send Aphrodite a 'thank you' bouquet and promises to incorporate her into some of the dreams he sends, well, that will be their little secret.


End file.
